LA Times - Eat Your Heart Out

Apparently, one of the girls in my classes got a hundred on her English midterm exam. She's also very poor, but her story was featured in the newspaper. They owe her success to an unidentified English mentor and then me. All the teachers clapped for me but I didn't know what was going on. I don't think the article identified any names of these "mentors" like myself, but I heard my name mentioned several times, all the teachers looked at me, and then they clapped. Shortly after the Vice Principal came by to congratulate me, but I knocked her off course by giving her a home made muffin.

The Greatest Invention

A story, as told by Tane.

[4:05:41] Tane Soeldner-Danger says: I had a tarded third grade class today.
[4:05:45] Perhaps the most tarded ever
[4:06:00] And that doesn't bother me, as much as their contentment in being tarded.
[4:06:08] Tane Soeldner-Danger says: I asked "What's the greatest invention of all time."
[4:06:12] Brandon Boat says: haha
[4:06:15] Tane Soeldner-Danger says: Two minutes of silence.
[4:06:28] Finally one student says flatly, "Elephant."
[4:06:35] No on laughs. Because it wasn't a joke.

We'll All Burn to Death

I'd like to repost an entry by a man named Culturebook. He has another blog at http://culturebook.livejournal.com/ The mistakes are his own and I have no idea who he is. I just stumbled upon it and thought you might enjoy it.

"So I spent 12 years as a grade school student in America and just about 12 years as a teacher in Korea. And yesterday was the first time I witnessed an actual "fire drill" in a Korean public school.

My co-worker asked me, "do you have this kind of thing in America?" and I'm like "Fire drills? Of course we do." He's all "Really!" He's really surprised, like he couldn't believe that we actually do that. He's kind of a knob, he's an Engish teacher of 20 years studying for his PHd, yet his English is terrible. I taught him 2 words that day 'Fire Drill' and 'Evacuate'.

So I answer him, yeah schools in America have fire drills several times a year but they're done a little differently. He wants to know how, so I tell him. First, it's always a a surprise, that is, you'll be sitting in math class and then boom fire alarm goes off. The teacher quickly establishes order and makes the children walk single file.
"Single what?"
Single file?"
"What's that?"
"One at a time, in a row."
"Oh." (this guys gonna have a PHd in English literature in a few months)
I continue -- The kids walk in a single file line, the teacher at the rear, to the nearest exit and into the yard everyone goes, still in line, so the teacher can do a head count to make sure no one was left behind. The goal/lesson of a "fire drill" is that in case of a real fire, children should exit orderly, not panic and run.

Well in Korea, things are a little different. I had a break period and I saw my middle school kids milling about the hallway so I asked, "Hey, why aren't you in class?" They say, "Fire." I'm all "Fire?" And they're like "No, No No" and they explain in Korean what would probably translate into Fire drill, yet they're just hanging out in the hallway. Like, they know what's coming. Finally the alarm goes off and everybody just kind of ends up in the yard. Normally, everybody wears slippers but I saw that everybody was wearing shoes, as if, they had time to go and change. I was still wearing my slippers.

Outside there was a fire truck. Then all of a sudden smoke begins billowing out of the school. I'm thinking,
this isn't a drill, this is a real fire and then upon closer inspection I realize it's this chemical smoke coming out
of some smoke machine. I guess, the effect was, "If this were a real fire, this is how it might look.' Then two
teachers, not firemen, but the PE and the Science teacher, pickup up firehoses and began blasting water against
the side of the building. There was a woman teacher still inside and she quickly scrambled to shut the windows, to prevent them from drenching the inside of the building.

Many pictures were taken by one of the lackeys in Administration. Like this is going to be a documented event.

But wait, it gets better...

So the kids are all sitting or standing on the grass field and Fire marshall Bill begins his lecture on fire safety. Of course, no one is listening. And he's got this fire extinguisher, several of them actually, and this big metalwastecan full of wood that he pours kerosene into and lights up. Then he lets various students take the fire extingusher and put out the fire. Relight, extinguish...relight, extinguish. High and Middle school boys and girls armed with a fire extinguisher and putting out the fire. As if.

As if, quick orderly evacuation is meaningless. As if, in case of fire, some middle school girl or boy is expected
to grab the extinguisher and put out the fire. As if teacher are actually going to be manning the firehoses.
It's all very comical until you realize that in case of a real fire, I know my students are going to scream and push and bumrush that exit and little Suji who looked so cute firing the extinguisher is probably gonna get trampled and I seriously wonder if anybody in Korean public schools ever learns anything of practical value.

The entire "drill" was nothing more than some drama with lots of flair and zero substantive knowledge. Kind
of like my co-teacher having a PHd. in English literature."

Adventure

On Tuesday, I was asked if I wanted to go to a cooking class with some of the students. Occasionally when I arrive at school in the morning, I will find a baked good or some other manner food on my desk. I would now be accompanying them on their trip. It should be noted that my school has no cooking facilities. All the food preparation is done by an outside contractor. Also, this was the special education class.

I met them in a van outside the school and they were very excited to see me. I knew some of them already. They have a habit of talking to me at my desk, pointing at different objects and asking me to identify the English. It wouldn't be a bother if I didn't have to do it over and over again ever single day. But they're fun for the most part. So, we rode in the van for 15 minutes while they learned one English phrase, "My name is ____" and proceeded to call each other "My name is" for the remainder of the trip. We arrive at a Social Education center. I'm not sure the main responsibilities of the center, but it seemed to be like a social worker place where needy people are helped. We went upstairs and everyone changed into their aprons. I noticed that they all had tupperware containers with them.

We then went into the kitchen where we received lecture and instruction from a professional chef. I have no clue as to the conditions of the other students. I was surprised that many of them have a minor grasp of English and we could talk with each other rather than me just reciting lists of objects.

We were to make Jajammyun.

It's a Chinese recipe that translates literally to, "Fried sauce with noodles." It's standard garbage food. Lots of different vegetables, some sauce, and rice noodles. It's delicious, but still garbage food.

The lady demonstrated how to make this. She handed out a recipe that I couldn't read, but I watched and followed along with everyone else. She was skilled as she knew how to cut properly and she had a flair for presentation. We were divided up into two groups: boys and girls. The girls only numbered two, so I joined them.

We made our food and then for some reason ate it. This was only 2 hours after lunch and I was feeling quite stuffed. Everyone dove into their their noodly goo and wolfed it down. They then filled their tupperware containers with the leavings. Most of the time was uneventful. We cooked, sang songs, and made a mess. It was a lot of fun.

Also, today it snowed twice for about five minutes each time. Apparently, it's a big deal because it usually snows once every 6 years. Most of the snow melted before it hit the ground though. Everything stopped when it first happened though. All the teachers got up from their chairs to look out the windows. The students from all over the building started yelling and going nuts. It may be the last snow of the year. I certainly hope not.

Birthday

So far, it's been a really good birthday though. I received about a dozen pairs of new socks, which are nice, I got some sort of yogurt juice, some acorn juice, a lap blanket, a bag of origami strawberries, a tupperware full of chicken curry, several colorful notes, and one snickers. When I first got to school, my teachers got me a sweet potato cake with candles. They all sang happy birthday and then we ate it together. All my classes have been singing and the students and teachers have been very congratulatory.

Also, you should watch this. It's a 14 part video series from the Editors of Vice Magazine. It's perhaps the only legitimate documentary footage to come out of North Korea in perhaps 50 years. That cannot be overstated. The vice documentary has their crew sneak into the country after bribing officials at a Chinese embassy and they then tour the country. Watch this to understand the bleakness of the country. Remember, 14 parts.
http://www.vbs.tv/video.php?id=1438428757

Movies!

Here some some movies that I've taken. They're from varying times and at varying locations. Enjoy.

Tane fighting with a walnut roaster.


Sharks in the Busan Aquarium


After the fireworks festival; in a bar.

Gifts

Yesterday, I received four gifts.
Gift #1
One of my co-teachers made me some curry. I now have it in a Tupperware container in my fridge.

Gift #2
It is getting very cold and student gave me a chemical hand warmer. I'll try to post a picture of it later. On the front is a baby that is sitting on an inflatable duck. The baby appears to be constipated as he looks like he's straining while wringing his hands with toilet paper. There is steam coming out of the duck. The duck is sweating and also looking at a coiled pile of poop.

Gift #3
After lunch, I came back to my desk and found three small oranges sitting there. Delicious.

Gift #4
While riding the subway, a man sparked a conversation with me and I helped him with his English skills. He called me a "bull in a China shop." After telling him the meaning of different words, a traveling salesman came onto the subway. He was dressed like an Asian Michael Jackson Cowboy and was selling black lace gloves. The man I had been talking to bought me a pair of gloves.

Also, as per Danny's suggestion, I taught some of my students CPR. I'm not sure how much info they'll retain or how many lives they'll actually save, but they seemed to enjoy it. I don't have a dummy or a doll, so after explaining all the steps and reviewing with them, I would "die" in front of the classroom and they would have to save me. I would often have to come back to life to guide them to what the next step was. They took videos of me with their cellphones, so I think I may end up on the Korea youtube.

Coincidences

I'm constantly reminded of how small the earth is. My last major experience of this was in a remote village in Africa, I came across someone wearing a Klompen Klassic t-shirt. For those of you who don't know, my hometown has a fun run with the same name every year and gives out t-shirts for the participants. Somehow, one managed to wind it's way out in the middle of no-where 8,000 miles away. That man gave me some kasava roots when I pointed at him and yelled.

Well, similar incidents have been happening in Korea.

Story #1
Before coming here, my mom had told me that she had a nurse friend who had a son here. I had emailed him once and thought nothing of it. A few weeks ago I saw him at a bus stop. It turns out, that this kid from Grinnel lives only 5 minutes from my apartment. In a city of 3.6 million and a country of 27 million, someone lives closer to me than here than if we were at home in America.

Story #2
Several weeks ago, Danny, Tane, and myself went to a scarecrow festival with one of Danny's teachers. While there, we were minor celebrities just because we were the only whities in attendance. So, we were given silly objects and asked to do goofy things and people would clap and take pictures of us.
A few weeks later we went to a fireworks festival. There was special seating for foreignors and we were ushered up to the front and sat down for a while. Some other people crowded around us and we started watching a show. After a little while, the girls next to me start nudging me and show me there camera. I see a picture of myself at the Scarecrow festival which is a 3 hour drive away. So through all that time and distance, they still managed to end up right next to us at an event that had almost a million people attending.

Story #3
My friend Emily came here recently. While still in Minneapolis, the maintenance man at her apartment building told her that his nephew was in the country. I'm sure you can guess what happens next. We decided to have a birthday party for Emily and Danny and we invited a few friends to join us. Danny had been emailing some of them because we hadn't seen them since orientation and they were coming as a surprise. Low and behold, one of them was the nephew that Emily had been told to look for. He was surprised and so was she.

So remember kids, by the law of probability, the unlikely is very likely to happen sometimes.

Fun Facts
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birthday_paradox
In probability theory, the birthday problem, or birthday paradox pertains to the probability that in a set of randomly chosen people some pair of them will have the same birthday. In a group of 23 (or more) randomly chosen people, there is more than 50% probability that some pair of them will both have been born on the same day. For 57 or more people, the probability is more than 99%, reaching 100% as the number of people reaches 366.

So, if you have a room full of 23 people, there is a 50% chance that two of them share the same birthday. We did this once in a college math class they had and it worked. One class didn't have any shares and for the other, I and someone else shared a birthday on Nov. 26.

Go Sell Crazy Somewhere Else...

We're all stocked up here.

After Exiting Beomeosa temple this weekend, we were handed a pamphlet by a group of people.

I couldn't read the cover and my co-teacher wasn't sure how to explain it. I was somewhat familiar with "Intelligent Design", and decided to investigate further.

I must admit, the space suits and jump suits had me a bit confused. I wasn't sure what was trying to communicate. I knew of the old show Mork and Mindy, but this scenario didn't seem humorous.

These books looked reassuring. But they really didn't answer my questions; they just led to more. A giant swastika Star of David heading towards the Earth? A double helix playing computer games as a child watches on? What does it all mean?

A colony? This is starting to remind me of an episode of the Simpsons.

Now we've got some faces. This is the prophet, but what does he have to say? Is he better than the contemporaries before him?

If he's authored books like this, then I hope so. I wonder if he and Douglas Adams were friends.

Oh, it's all starting to make sense now.

FYI, it's a Buddhist symbol, not a Nazi symbol. The Buddhist's have been using it for thousands of years while the Nazi's latched onto it for 20 years.

Gracious

It's been a long time since I've posted, but I've become very busy as of late. Two main things have been taking up my time.

This is one. She came to visit for 11 days and we're approaching the tail end.


And this is the other.


Look forward to future topics including: UN War Memorial, Bath Houses, Halloween, the Presidency abroad, the impending cold, DJ Shadow, and many more!